II. Riding South
The sensation of passing through the English countryside was something of a wake-up call for me. It showed me how different everything was since my last venture through the fields and the hills and the forests. Even the worn dirt track felt alien to me. I was content to let it meander me and my personal guard along its length.
There was undeniable tension between my companions. More than half of them were half my age and I picked up on their justified fear soon after we departed my estate. I knew better than to bring attention to their trepidations too soon. Yet it was no secret that all the men who accompanied me on this long march from home were all volunteers. I did not demand they leave their families behind or draft them into a war they did not understand. No. I gave my trusted lieutenant explicit instruction to give an open invitation to those who desired to come. In doing so, I ensured I could trust these men to do the right thing for the right reasons.
It was not until the sun began to set on the first day of our journey did any real conversation take place. A young lad of no more than twenty-three reined in his horse beside Boomer and cleared his throat. I glanced over to him and gave a courteous nod, though he stammered over his words for a few moments before any real coherence left his mouth.
“Is it true?” he asked.
“Depends on what you are asking about,” I replied.
“That, that we might not come back, milord,” he said at little more than a whisper.
I hesitated and drew a long breath. A wave of memories flooded back into my mind. I have a vague memory of asking something similar when I went on my first Crusade. The officer I asked spat in my face and gave a negative response. But as I looked at the young lad next to me, I could see there was optimism in his heart. Did I want to break his spirit before he ever saw the horror of war?
“Do you place your faith in God? It is a good thing to have. It protects us from evil. But I don’t know if we will return. I can’t make a guarantee of such a thing. Though, I must apologise, I don’t know your name. It is good to know who we travel with and who we will fight alongside, don’t you agree?” I said with as honest a smile as I could muster.
“I apologise milord. Elric is my name.”
“A rare name. From a time before King William. And do not apologise, Elric. I understand what you are going through,” I paused and looked over my shoulder at the other soldiers following me. “I understand if you feel hesitant. I was in your shoes once. Many years ago. We should make camp for the night.”
Murmurs of agreement arose from the group and we steered our mounts toward a stream flowing down a nearby hill. I reckoned there was at least a half day ride before a major crossroads town. And even then, it was another week before we reached the coast at Hastings. But I figured it was no use pushing the horses too far too quick. We still had the entirety of the mainland to cross and that terrain was not as familiar to any of us as England was.
I kept my dinner lean, but I did not stop anyone from hunting for rabbits or hares. I did not object to them trying to capture some fish, if they could find them. It was their prerogative to eat whatever they wished. But I did notice that a lot of tension left the air when we had all gathered around the modest fire. I smiled as my soldiers hurled crude jokes at each other and learned more about each other. Always I felt there was a strangeness hanging in the air. Something I could not quite explain, until I realised all eyes were on me. I swallowed a wad of spit as I looked out over the faces. Some grizzled from years of toil and some free from the weariness of long days and yet others with almost a sense of awe about them. That intrigued me most of all and I lost myself in why that was until Elric spoke up for all of them.
“What was it like for you? Crossing the world on a whim?”
I knew a question along those lines would come up at some stage. After all, these young faces needed guidance and support. I was their sole link to a tumultuous time in history. Yet my mind seemed ready to provide an answer. Memories I thought I forgot long ago flooded back into my consciousness. I sighed and cracked my neck.
“It’s hard to explain in words what I was feeling because there were so many emotions. Did I feel fear? Of course. It’s natural to be afraid of the unknown. But if we didn’t face that unknown, we wouldn’t be where we are today. Some days I felt alone. I wanted to curl up in a ball those days and let the elements take me. I remember the first time I began to doubt my decision to go on a Crusade. Sure, I had a different King back then and I was nameless, but I tried not to let that get to me,” I continued though I did not hear my own words. I began to experience them again.
And it was odd to see old faces flood back into my brain. Some offered happiness and some were less than welcome, but my mind recreated the scenario so well, I could almost reach out and touch those faces. But I could also feel the doubt in the pit of my stomach. I recall it was near Metz in France when these emotions first started to cloud my judgement.
The first person I talked to about my feelings, against my intuition was the sergeant in charge of the cohort I was part of. I remembered nothing good about him. He walked around with a permanent scowl on his face and his voice was sandpaper to the ears. His rotund body did not help his cause, nor did his apathetic nature. I could swear he did not wish to possess any association with me or my peers. It so happens the day I went to speak with him, he was in a fouler mood than usual. He rolled his eyes as I approached and pantomimed tying a noose.
“Whaddaya want?”
“I don’t know if I should be here, sir,” I said.
“I ain’t no fucking knight. ‘Sergeant’ is fine. Or I suppose you can use Wybert if you are so inclined to do so. Also, this ain’t the time to be doubting yourself. You, like myself and the thousands of others on this road, can’t turn back now. You committed yourself to this Crusade. So, deal with it!” Sergeant Wybert snapped.
Some call that a poor experience, but I did not blame Wybert for his reaction. The day long marches weighed on him and I noted he did not sleep all that well. The bags under his eyes grew larger and darker by the day yet he did not lose focus on our overarching goal. More important, he was a damn fine teacher and it was from him that I learned how to hold my own in combat. I knew he was right. I did commit to a Crusade much the same as he did.
“No, you’re right. I know it’s too late to turn back. I more mean my status in life. I’m no more than a young lad from nowhere from a family with no name,” I started.
“Your point? Look around you. Most of these men are from similar circumstances to you. But not even one of our leaders would care about that. Pawns in their game is all we are. A grand strategy for schemers seeking more and more power. Draw your sword,” Wybert said.
“Pardon? My sword?” I asked.
“Yes, you daft bugger. The best way to remove doubt is to fight. To show you why we are here on this long march from the comfort of our home. You need to be able to risk everything to remove all doubt in your mind. Show me what you are made of. Come on!” Wybert yells as he draws his sword.
In the nick of time, I manage to clash against Wybert’s blade. His footwork, sloppy as it might be, manages to best any of the steps I make. However, I possessed a significant advantage over Wybert, since for what I lacked in skill, I made up for in size and strength. Whilst I did not consider myself a mammoth of a human, I still towered above most of my peers and before the Crusade, I spent my working days transporting haybales around as though I were a mule.
My advantageous position translated itself whenever I could make an aggressive swing. With all my weight behind my strikes, I staggered Wybert with ease. Our blades sang in a delicate dance as we tested and probed for weakness. For those still gathered around the fire, such a fight was a common sight. It provided entertainment in more than one way and I caught glimpses of several hands passing coin around. Such a simple sight was more than enough to lift my spirits. In an instant my troubles seemed to fade under the dull moonlight.
I blinked and let out a sigh to break me out of my funk. My eyes latched onto the most prominent constellation I could find and recognise. Hydra – the serpent. Perhaps it told tale of what I might expect on my long-awaited return to the Holy Land. Or perhaps it was simple superstition. Either way, I did not know. All I knew was after a long few seconds of breathing in the majesty of the skies above, I turned my gaze back down to the intrigued faces gathered before me. And I resumed my story.
“I don’t know what prompted my mind to forget. Perhaps it was the action of my body. Or perhaps it was expectation. I know I had countless inquisitive thoughts about what waited for me in the Holy Land. Some of those revolved around the fabled riches of the Turks and the Saracens. Other thoughts came to me regarding my faith. A questioning of my devotion. That’s a challenge you will all face at some stage. You will come across a dilemma that will put your faith on the line. A moment that will challenge what you are willing to give. How much will you sacrifice for the cause?” I asked.
“Everything,” a voice from the back of the group answered. “I got nothing to go back to once all this is over. Why? Because He demands it of me. Of all of us. Forgive me if I speak out of turn, milord, but I am curious as to what you sacrificed on your Crusade? Will we benefit from the boons you received after your return from the Holy Land? Are we to become Lords of our own castles and estates? What is it you see in us that prompted you to bring us along with you to serve Him?”
I strained my eyes to see the owner of the voice. The dull embers of the fire did nothing to illuminate the features of his face, yet I found myself prompting him forward. His first step forward allowed me to see the tattered brown robe over his tarnished armour. A second step confirmed my suspicions and revealed him as a member of the clergy. The cross around his neck glinted in the light and those around him bowed their heads as he moved forward. I did likewise as he came to a stop before me.
“Holy Father, your words carry weight. At your whim, you can turn all these men against me. You carry the power to discredit my leadership and I accept you can do such a thing. It is a powerful tool to have at your disposal. But you asked me what I sacrificed. I didn’t have material goods to give. I had no titles or lands to leave behind during my first Crusade. Not a coin to my name. Only the rags on my back and the blade each member of the Crusade carried with them. A blade I still have to this day.
“So, what did I sacrifice, Father? More than any man should. I left every shred of my humanity in the Holy Land so He could remake me into what I am now. I sacrificed my chance at freedom. Living in a castle with servants at your beck and call is no life. Will you share in the bounty should we be successful in our Crusade? Without a doubt. You know why? Because I see myself in all of you. Young, eager and wanting a chance at immortality. Does that satisfy your curiosity, Father?” I cocked my head.
“Aye, it satisfies me. But it makes me wonder further. You followed His will once and encountered death and destruction. Why would you follow Him again? In His eyes, you would have no more to prove, for you answered the call once. So, it seems you intend to sacrifice everything a second time. Is this redemption for you, milord?” the clergyman asked.
Sooner or later, I knew a question of this ilk would come up. The clergyman was indeed correct. I did have nothing more to prove in the eyes of the Lord. My entry into the afterlife was all but a guarantee. He was also correct in that I did seek redemption. But I knew that was my burden to bear. I did not wish these innocent souls to carry the weight of my sins. And, even though I do not recall it, I stood up and stared down at the clergyman.
“We all carry sins with us, Father. Some we speak to others. Others we must hold close to our hearts. I am one such person. I picked all of you to join me in my journey to the Holy Land. I did not bind you to an oath or promise you riches and glory. You can turn home, and no one will speak ill of you. I cannot do such a thing. I answered the call forty years ago. This time? There was no option for me, Father,” I said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Enjoy the rest of your evening. I find myself needing to retire. Tomorrow, we continue south.”
My words seemed to satiate the clergyman’s thirst. Though, he did say one last thing as I lifted the flap of my tent.
“Father Hann. That’s my name, milord,” he said.
I smiled and slipped past the canvas flap. I brought few items with me, given the circumstances. I knelt by the water basin and clasped my hands at my forehead. No words left my mouth as I gave a quick prayer, asking the Lord to watch over my family. It would be the first night since the birth of Wyot that I did not share a roof with them.
My shoulder hit the ground hard as I collapsed on the woollen down after my prayer. Whilst not the most comfortable sleeping apparatus, it was far better than solid ground. I closed my eyes and let the whispering voices and laughter outside lull my brain to sleep. A rough sleep, but a necessary evil.
I awoke with a start before the dawn, covered in my own saliva. I heaved myself up with a shaky hand and shook the cobwebs from my mind. My bung leg ached from the solidness of the ground, but I forced myself to stand and I staggered out of my tent. Some of my men still lay where they sat the night before, their bodies contorted in awkward positions. A few embers smouldered from the dead fire pit. I was careful as I stepped around the bodies. I did not know how long they slept for, so I did not wish to rouse them too early.
I crouched in a few bushes over a small ridge near our campsite. I was glad for the chance to relieve myself. It gave me a few quiet moments to think as a pool of urine soaked the ground beneath me. The trickling and the splashing were the only sounds until a twig snapped nearby, and I turned my head in the direction the noise came from.
“Who’s there?” I asked, scarce above a whisper.
“Nothing to fear, milord. No blade will strike from the shadows at you. We had the same idea, it would seem, though you are quick off the draw. Seems we both had sleepless nights. No matter. We’re both men. Men deal with such things as we do everything else. We fight and go to war. Same old shit. Name’s Noll. I served in the King’s Army a while back. Thought my fighting days were behind me then. How time changes,” Noll said.
“Always a pleasure to meet a veteran. You have no reason to come on this journey. Most like you have family back home. I’m sure you’d prefer to spend your days with them,” I replied.
“Perhaps. Or perhaps, like you, I have ulterior motives for attending to this Crusade. Ha. I couldn’t say that and not laugh. Truth is, I’ve never been on a Crusade. I thought it’d be fun to go on one before I die. Maybe I can secure my place in Heaven if you believe the words of Hann. Am I allowed to be honest with you, milord?” Noll asked.
“Speak your mind,” I said.
It was in this moment Noll came into my vision and I could put a face to the name. A weathered and aged face, but a comforting face. Thinning grey hairs crowned his scalp and a scraggy beard swung halfway down his chest. A combination of wrinkles and pox scars covered most of his face. Most striking and damning of all were his resplendent eyes. A vibrant sapphire colour that spoke of many stories yet the more I looked the hollower Noll’s eyes became.
“I’m curious as to the real reason behind you being here. I hear the King himself conscripted you. Some might call it an honour, but the way you walk and the way you talk tell otherwise. Something bothers you, doesn’t it, milord?” Noll asked.
“Well,” I sighed. “I made mistakes on my last Crusade. More than any normal man should care to admit, but I’m not one to conform to societal standards. I’m an uplifted peasant at best and those of my supposed social group never let me forget. I lost track of the number of kills to my name. I stained the Holy Land with the blood of our enemies. Fathers and sons lost all they hold dear because of me. Brothers and uncles would never see their families again. For what? The will of the Almighty? Don’t get me wrong, I am a man of great faith, or I wouldn’t be here, but the lengths we go to in order to prove ourselves against the unseen give me cause to question our place in the world. So, yes, I have reason to go back to the Holy Land. This Crusade offers me the chance to return there. Hann is right. I’m on this journey for redemption.”
Noll nodded and said nothing else. Instead, he turned and began walking back to our camp, whistling a jaunty tune. I finished up my business and followed behind a few moments later. Most of my soldiers were up and preparing themselves for the day ahead. I canted my head toward Hann near the horses. Without his cloak covering his torso, the multitude of scars criss-crossing his body told a painful tale. And as I stepped closer, I could hear his voice carry above the other noises in the camp.
“We are but humble servants, o Lord. Peons of your will, running around at your beck and call. On this day we ask you to give strength to our steeds so that they might carry us to our next destination. We ask for good tidings so that ill weather does not befall us and delay this great Crusade we carry out in your name. And we ask for Elric to cease his incessant snores! Amen.”
“Amen,” I said.
Hann snapped his head in my direction. The scowl on his lips loosened when he saw me, and he gave a courteous nod. With a deep breath, he stretched his arms above his head, making sure his palms remained open and skyward. He held that pose for a couple of seconds before his arms dropped and he moved to stand next to me.
“What is it you pray for, milord? Everyone pines for different things. I look out for the welfare of each of us here. My prayer is to dispel the demons that may follow us and invade our thoughts,” Hann paused and considered the situation for a moment. “Or maybe you pray for the same and your mind goes instead to the state of my flesh.”
“Aye,” I nodded.
“Each mark is of my own doing, milord. A tame experience compared to some we will no doubt encounter on this long march. Do not fret when we pass the flagellants or welcome them into our group. Their devotion to the Lord is unsurpassed,” Hann said.
I was aware of the curious nature of flagellants. Fanatics with unyielding devotion to the Lord. Each of them would consider every move they did a sin and would thus seek to purge the stain from their soul. They were brutal to themselves, but I had the fortune to witness some in battle during the last Crusade. Their brutality in the field was something to admire, but not something one would ever wish to emulate.
“The Lord’s soldiers can do as they please. They sacrifice flesh for the cause. And it drives the rest of us to perform at our best, so that we might match them,” I said. “We ride out the moment the sun breaches the horizon.”
The next days passed like a blur. It is not to say that nothing of interest occurred, but my mind remained more focused on the road ahead. Always my mind returned to my final days in the Holy Land and the events that shaped my life since then. I wondered if I was making the right decision to take up King Richard’s call. Not even a week in London was enough to distract me from my worries. The presence of much greater lords than I on the same journey played a small factor in my reclusive nature in the great city.
Indeed, I spoke next to no words until my party arrived at Hastings. Little more than a hundred years prior, this was where the Conqueror and his army landed to usher in a new age. A year of change. But to see the lands with my own eyes was almost more than I could handle. It was part of the reason I chose to make my own journey to the Holy Land. No doubt Richard’s army would cross at Dover. I signalled my men to follow and we began to meander our way toward the docks. A pouch of coin jingled in my pocket and I had no doubt we would find a ship to take us across to Normandy.
“Do you feel it, milord? The magic of William?” Noll asked.
“I feel many things. Whether it is the magic of the Conqueror, I do not know. I feel his spirit looks down upon us with a smile. He fought for what he believed in, and we are off to do the same,” I replied.
“You’ve stayed quiet most of this trip, milord. Even in London, you spoke very little. Did you not enjoy the city? I know it is not to the taste of many. But for me, it was like home,” Noll said.
“Even if I did not show it, I did enjoy London, Noll. In my own way, of course. It gave me time to think. Time to consider dangerous things and our purpose. We have many months of travel before we reach our destination and I feel we must take moments to ourselves when we can,” I said.
“And yea, the prophet smiled upon his flock and led them through the wastes. Over the dunes they travelled, under the blistering sun and through the stinging winds. Not once did they lose hope, for they were under the guidance of God and it is from His guidance they found an oasis in the unforgiving sands. A place where they could settle and be free of tyrannical leaders. For it is in the Holy Land they found salvation. To protect themselves, they built walls. Walls none can hope to breach. And they named the land for what they wished it to be. A land of peace and safety. The City of Peace – Jerusalem. The centre of the Holy Land. A place all men desire to call their own,” Hann’s voice rang out from near the back of our column. “Hear and obey the will of the Lord. His sacred place, a place for men to achieve inner peace, lies threatened by an enemy who wished to quash Him from history. ‘I am Yahweh thy God, I will accept the cities of Judah and I will redeem Jerusalem.’ Those are the words men die over. We are those who will bring redemption to Jerusalem and we are the chosen of the Lord. If you carry faith in your heart, you will follow, and you will join. The Lord shall grant all those who heed the call access into Heaven. But eternal damnation does not come for those who do not answer the call, for you still carry His blessing.”
Hann’s words carried through the streets of Hastings and the more he spoke, the more people stepped out into the street. I was glad Hann was on our side, for he had this commanding presence about him. When he spoke, people listened. And it was a thing of beauty, for I found myself enraptured by the captivating nature of Hann’s speech. Even before we reached the docks, our party seemed to double in size from the various villagers rushing to move alongside us.
Of course, the increase in our number presented a far greater logistical problem than my initial plan could compensate for. Logistics is something few men care for, but it is perhaps the most vital part of the Crusade. Food and water were easy to find in the wilderness, yet equipment was far harder to transport without mules or horses or carts. And the need for a bigger boat was something daunting to me. A larger vessel meant a higher cost, and that would mean less opportunity to replenish small, yet vital necessities. I would find a way, however. I owed it to those who heeded and listened.
“Might I ask why you decided to travel away from the main army, milord?” Elric asked.
His voice startled me and I jumped in my saddle. I held my hand up as Elric went to apologise. It was not his fault I was not paying attention. But he did have a good point. I knew I had to give explanation for the route I wished to take. Of course, there was only one word I could respond with.
“Constantinople,” I said.
“Does that not delay our entry into the Holy Land? I thought Constantinople lay on the Propontis?” Elric replied.
“It does, boy. It is also the gateway to the East. The last remnant of Romanus. A fabled destination and a fortress nigh impregnable. The greatest city in the world and a hub of activity. It is there we can secure safe passage to the Holy Land,” Noll said.
“I doubt they would help us so easy. Considering there would be numerous spies if the city is as you claim,” Elric replied.
“Spies? No doubt there are spies. It is a fact of life that any hub of society would possess traitors. Yet in the last bastion of Romanus, one cannot judge a peon for such a skillset. It is the game of royalty and nobility. And a party such as ours? We will raise some suspicion, yes, but I daresay we can travel far quicker than rumours would reach the ears of our enemies,” Noll said.
I hoped he was right. Our route to the Holy Land was dangerous and there would be a high cost should word of our arrival beat us there. Though, I had no doubt the insurgents in the Holy Land would be ready. The word of the Pope spreads like wildfire when he decrees something. Of course, I did not have the heart to inform those who travelled with me that we would make a detour through the Papal States so that I could get a chance to lay my eyes on the heart of our religious values.
It was something I tried many times to envision yet I knew my mind could do no justice to the majesty of the seat of the Pope. Then again, during my first Crusade, I always envisioned what it would feel like to be a part of the nobility. Having reached that summit, if I had the chance, I would take back agreeing to join such ranks. Many believe those in the nobility laze around and eat lavish meals using the taxes and levies serfs pay. But I would often spend more time dealing with petty squabbles and accusations based around theft than I would have for myself. Indeed, the entire ordeal was far more stress than I needed in my life and I suspect it contributed to my hair turning grey far sooner than it otherwise would.
Yet such thoughts were ones I had to put to the back of my mind. For as I stared out across the channel before me, my mind ran through a thousand different scenarios. But all I could do was hope I made the right decision. Even if I went through the motions of handing the coin over to a willing boat captain and getting myself comfortable in the cramped quarters for the journey. The only time I showed emotion was when I looked back at the cliffs of England as they faded into the distance many hours later.
“Thus, it begins. A road fraught with danger and peril yet we will endure for that is what we do. We follow His guidance and walk His path so that we might live our lives the way He does. For those who accompany me, I wish no ill upon them nor would I see them come to harm if I could prevent it. May His blessings be upon them and may He shine his light even in the darkest hour of need,” I muttered.
“Fine words, milord. I must caution you, for this is only the first test of our faith. He will provide many obstacles for us to overcome but never fear milord, for whilst we remain true and steadfast to the path, He will ensure no pain will come to us, else He will cause us to falter. He will not allow His most holy to fall before the Holy Land. We will see Jerusalem, milord. Then you can wash your sins away,” Hann said.
His words brought a smile to my face. Even if he did not understand my reasoning for our journey, I was glad he provided comfort. And the closer we got to the Holy Land, the more comfort we would need. And Hann was also right. This was but the first stage of our journey. The worst was yet to come. But I could take solace in the fact I had a chance to set things right.
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